Karlsruhe Diaries...!! Chapter 3

19^th November,2013

Karlsruhe

Till the Grief subsides and appetite is full...

I drink its ardor and the never ending depths...

Till the happiness ensues the promise of an everlasting mirth...

Dissolved in time...

Meddled with the mind....

Till the Poetry surges in the Poet's mind....

Till everything becomes omnipresent...

And INFINITE....!!

This is the Promise of a never ending Verse...!!

People tell me very often that my poetry is sort of dark, depressing and what not… but at times, that’s what everything seems to be…doesn’t it ?

Too much of everything is bad, they say, but I never thought that too much of aesthetics can be suffocating, at times , so much that you can’t do anything but blame the weather for your own weariness, and for your own inability and the incapability of your own mettle, no one is to be blamed, but perhaps a strange land teaches you a lot, to be stronger, to keep your emotions under control, and yet, be sensitive.

12.30 pm in Germany, 5.00 pm in India, I call my mom, she is as usual, busy in the daily stuff, routine chores of an Indian household, at times, I admire the ability of a female, that too of a mother, how she controls her emotions, and yet, can do all and everything by herself, hats off to the spirit…

At times she messages me, even though she recently taught herself how to write an sms, “Miss you a lot” , and I can just wonder that this too shall pass..and everything has to come to an end, and eventually, we have to move far away from our own houses, our people, the warmth, our own language of spices. It’s quite strange how I can fake to be happy and smiling all the time, despite the turnmoil going on in my mind, the frustration over a “not going anywhere” thesis work, the annoyance over my professor not responding to my emails, and the daily tiresome routine of preparing food, perhaps I have turned too mature for my age, as almost all the people I look around are still under 25, and at times it feels I am ageing, the only consolation is that I have experience, more than any others, to tackle situations.

After all, now I can say, that I have been to places… and that too… too many at an exhausting pace, burning a hole in my pocket. Recently I spent a full night outside a Paris metro station, hopeless, cold, shivering and sleeping in a café next morning only to find that my mobile has been stolen. It pisses me off like hell, but anyway… I am here, In an alien land, where no one can help me but Myself, the process of making oneself strong is always the hardest, as it is full of pain.

At times, I have moments filled with happiness too, like making brownies for someone’s birthday till 1a.m in night, or just ditching everyone and going to Munich all alone, travelling aimlessly, but not all wanderers are aimless, as said in “Mona Lisa Smile”. But what’s hard is figuring out at times why I am here, and why I need to fake a laugh when on the inside, all I want is to scream and vent out my frustration endlessly….

The promise of a never ending verse ? or perhaps just the suffocation of the Aesthetics. Oh..and I remember someone telling me, it’s just the weather…u will feel good once u have sunny days…