4th November,2013
Karlsruhe,Germany
The
reason perhaps why I am writing a blog after one and a half month is perhaps I am
missing myself , and my writings, in all this hustle-bustle, the trips, the
planning… and the group splits…ughhh…There is a saying in Hindi that when 4
utensils are kept together…there will be noise, but here we are…15 utensils..Oops
15 people together…so the fights.. And the so called split in the group is
bound to happen.
Well..But
instead of noise, all I have around me is deafening silence, for which the
group split is only partially a reason; here I am, in this alien land, fighting
with migraines and the bitter cold. Maybe the weather is so depressing that it
has imbibed in me its gloominess. Beautiful cities, scenic surroundings, new
friends, but a silence. Silence around me prevails.
At
times, a foreign land is so full of hope, and at times, all you can see around
you is misery. Misery exaggerated through the rain, the fog and the cold, and
when you taste your own cooked food. And when your mother messages you on
Diwali “Miss you beta”. The land of new opportunities, but not that easy to
live in, if you don’t have that surviving spirit, at times I remember that
quote from Sylvia Plath’s The Bell Jar “ I was supposed to be having the time
of my life”
So
what went wrong? Nothing. It can be just a perspective, a temporary, floating
phase of time, an empty mind is a devil’s workshop, at times I feel the urgent
need to break open that double window in my room. Anger..maybe… it works in
mysterious ways.
Everything,
each damn thing has got its own darker side. The darker side of living in a
foreign land is its strangeness and silence. At times, one is bound to feel
stuck inside, but unless and until one gets up and fights, this will happen.
The
fall is finally here, and 5 months to go before I will be back to my country,
where atleast I have got friends who miss me, and who are there for me, unlike
some people over here, whose only objective is to make sarcastic remarks at
other people, and to book tickets for every damn place in Europe( at the risk
of wiping off the current bank balance and keeping no emergency money), as if
there is a world tour competition going on. It’s a foreign land where I strive
to be listened, to talk to someone, not to see famous places, but to just have
a good and relaxing time.
Here
I close this blog, hoping that there will be actually some “sunny days” ahead.
With dark and deepest despairs..
Comes the mettle to fight..
When this alien land beckons me
again ...
Feeling like a tree which bends
but never breaks...
The Silent Symphonies to be
sung...
At times...deafening lullabies to
be heard...
And NO Words to be spoken...
The fear of loss and the fear of
defeat...
When this alien land beckons me
again....
Expecting to be a Seraphic...
When i am just a Human and a Poet...!!
Writing my verses i looked upon
to see:
Even he who stands
on the other side of the
Mirror...
Seems a stranger in this Alien
land...!!
That's so truly penned.
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