19th
November,2013
Karlsruhe
Till the Grief subsides and
appetite is full...
I drink its ardor and the never
ending depths...
Till the happiness ensues the
promise of an everlasting mirth...
Dissolved in time...
Meddled with the mind....
Till the Poetry surges in the
Poet's mind....
Till everything becomes
omnipresent...
And INFINITE....!!
This is the Promise
of a never ending Verse...!!
People
tell me very often that my poetry is sort of dark, depressing and what not… but
at times, that’s what everything seems to be…doesn’t it ?
Too
much of everything is bad, they say, but I never thought that too much of
aesthetics can be suffocating, at times , so much that you can’t do anything
but blame the weather for your own weariness, and for your own inability and
the incapability of your own mettle, no one is to be blamed, but perhaps a
strange land teaches you a lot, to be stronger, to keep your emotions under
control, and yet, be sensitive.
12.30
pm in Germany, 5.00 pm in India, I call my mom, she is as usual, busy in the
daily stuff, routine chores of an Indian household, at times, I admire the
ability of a female, that too of a mother, how she controls her emotions, and
yet, can do all and everything by herself, hats off to the spirit…
At
times she messages me, even though she recently taught herself how to write an
sms, “Miss you a lot” , and I can just wonder that this too shall pass..and
everything has to come to an end, and eventually, we have to move far away from
our own houses, our people, the warmth, our own language of spices. It’s quite
strange how I can fake to be happy and smiling all the time, despite the
turnmoil going on in my mind, the frustration over a “not going anywhere”
thesis work, the annoyance over my professor not responding to my emails, and
the daily tiresome routine of preparing food, perhaps I have turned too mature
for my age, as almost all the people I look around are still under 25, and at
times it feels I am ageing, the only consolation is that I have experience, more
than any others, to tackle situations.
After
all, now I can say, that I have been to places… and that too… too many at an
exhausting pace, burning a hole in my pocket. Recently I spent a full night
outside a Paris metro station, hopeless, cold, shivering and sleeping in a café
next morning only to find that my mobile has been stolen. It pisses me off like
hell, but anyway… I am here, In an alien land, where no one can help me but
Myself, the process of making oneself strong is always the hardest, as it is
full of pain.
At
times, I have moments filled with happiness too, like making brownies for
someone’s birthday till 1a.m in night, or just ditching everyone and going to
Munich all alone, travelling aimlessly, but not all wanderers are aimless, as
said in “Mona Lisa Smile”. But what’s hard is figuring out at times why I am
here, and why I need to fake a laugh when on the inside, all I want is to
scream and vent out my frustration endlessly….
The
promise of a never ending verse ? or perhaps just the suffocation of the
Aesthetics. Oh..and I remember someone telling me, it’s just the weather…u will
feel good once u have sunny days…
