2004,Standard
XII
INGRAHAM INSTITUTE
ENGLISH SCHOOL
SOME GAGS OF
MY LIFE
# MY MOST EMBARRASING MOMENT ON
STAGE
We were in green house, all the questions were childish , even a junior
student could have answered them ,the auditorium was full and occupied by every
criticizing person possible .And they had ‘Great expectations from me’ every thing was going fine ,until-
I was sitting nervously, then
the next terrible question was shot at us...the girl (anchor) started –‘which is the fastest running animal
on earth?’ I didn’t knew what happened to me in that very moment. Had I gone
blank? not exactly, for without even the slightest hesitation I replied- “OSTRICH”
and ..for three whole seconds ,the whole auditorium submerged into
silence , I raised my head a little ,looked here and there ,’what is
happening?’ and the next thing which I heard was a loud ,roaring
,thundering ,combined laughter in the auditorium… and Neha, was venting out all
her anger on me. “Its not ostrich ,you idiot it’s a leopard she asked about the
fastest running animal ,not bird .” They
would have excused me, If I had even uttered the name of a animal , ostrich is
not even an animal . I felt so, so, so
embarrassed that I didn’t dared to even look at any thing else except
the surface of the table, my head bowed down, till the quiz contest came to an
end and the worst part ,we lost …when it all ended ,I rushed to the cycle stand
and I cursed myself I didn’t even turned back and looked anyone ,if I were a
little late my classmates and those devils of the ‘B’ section would come and
make fun of me ,and I feared what I will face if that Rahul
came….HUMILIATION. I fled from the spot
.When I reached the main gate of the school a boy from my house was mocking at
me he was in a much junior class . He said ‘There goes the loser ,our house lost just
because of you ‘ .
I cycled as fast as I could and breathed a sigh of relief only when I
reached home .
To avoid all possible embarrassments and accusations, I didn’t go to
school one whole week and spent my time in home, sulking over what I had done
it may seem a little but it was too much to be taken for granted…although there
have been many embarrassing moments in my life nothing can be as embarrassing
as answering a question wrong in a stupid quiz competition ....and that too the
question being most trivial….
...there was no excuse left for
me to say anything or to persuade my mind against my predicament. I was even
nicknamed –‘Mr. Ostrich’ by one of my friends.
#MY LOVE FOR SINGING
It was
our English Literature period .As usual, my love for singing continued even in
the lecture of the subject which I loved the most .And that too ,every kind of
song ,whether the singer is Madonna or Shamshad Begum ,it didn’t matter to me.
I loved singing ,no matter what a torture it is to the listeners .My friends
fondly called me –‘FM Radio’ , as I used to sing songs on every situation. So,
just as usual, my singing was in full swing that day. Mrs. Shukrey happened to
be our English teacher .She is an old lady and moreover, I happened to be her favorite
student, after all, who got the highest marks every time, okay, I am not boasting,
let me return to our subject –my singing.
I was
sitting with Vvidushi. The teacher had not yet arrived. She is an old, aged
lady and took a lot of time to reach our class. We usually had a lecture of 35 minutes,
10 minutes she took to come to our classroom, 15 minutes we took to settle
down, so Mrs. Shukrey had to remain contented teaching us hardly for 10
minutes.
This
time my song happened to be –‘Tan dole mera man dole’ ,from an old movie . A gem of Lata Mangeshkar
was today finding place in our English Literature class.
My song
was in full swing, Vvidushi was listening and enjoying thoroughly, laughing at me,
suddenly the expression on her face grew grim, serious ,pale, terrified and
stupefied .
But I
continued my singing, I asked Vvidushi-“what is the matter? Why are you so quiet?”
I suddenly realized that the whole class was silent. What was happening ?From a
wink of her eyes, she tried to tell me something , and I turned back ,there she
was our teacher –Mrs .Shukrey , “What happened Abhishek? you may continue
singing ,go on”
I was
so shocked by embarrassment that I could hardly say any thing I stammered – “ I
…I … Am
sorry
ma’m “ She would not listen a thing
she continued – “come on, I heard you singing “ I didn’t reply .
“How
come you remember such an old song ?”
At once
a reply came from me-“ Because it was remixed !!” How absurd was to give such a reply to her
In front of the whole class.
She
only said “I expect you to be more disciplined “
The matter was left out but I became a
laughing stock for my classmates. This was even worse than that stupid quiz
competition.
#I CAN’T CONTROL MY SLEEP !!!
Our
biology teacher respected Mr.Ajay Singh happened to be the most boring teacher
in the whole world ,whom I used to hate (pardon me ) ,he was just so boring and
he boasted of everything and every experience(whether he had it or not, I don’t
know) .He was small ,not much in height just five feet ,three or four inches
,with a tummy bulging slightly outside, and with a leather belt with a
cellphone tucked onto it. Anyone who saw him understood why he was famous as
“CHAVANNI”,because of his height .It is a hindi name given to the 25 paisa coin
.
When he smiled ,three of his front teeth ,
molars ,or whatever, gave a sight which I
will never forget , and moreover
,those three teeth were blackened . Somebody told me that it was a result of a feud
with some vagabonds, rowdy boys of some other school, who burnt his TEETH!!,
after giving him a severe beating. I laughed at this idea, it may be true, who knows?
His character had many layers to it.
While
teaching biology ,he gave us a rough knowledge of all the subjects which
existed in this world .He wore spectacles that were a bit huge for his face,
frowning through them ,he would teach us the theory of evolution ,often
interrupted by his own enriching experiences , One day ,when he was giving a
lecture on the theory of evolution , he asked us “Okay ,can you tell me ,class,
which living being bears a close resemblance to us, from which evolution of the
Homo Sapien has taken place?”
To this question I answered, keeping him in
mind – “Sir, we have evolved from monkeys!” This I had answered just for fun,
however that part is true that I meant him, by that answer. The whole class
roared in fits of laughter . And he said
with an angry tone - “you better keep quiet if you don’t know the correct
answer”. My answer was enough to disgust him for the next few days .But I had
no doubts that he has evolved from monkeys.
Now,
his experiences, I must tell, included a lot of trekking, fishing, hunting,
adventures and his tales of his family. Often, genetic mutation was interrupted
with his mention of his Grand father and how he encountered a ghost which wore
expensive jewelry!
Often I
thought ,’if you have so much experience, then what the hell are you doing in
this school?’
Another
dilemma with him was that his syllabus was never complete. No matter how fast
we were in catching or how fast he could be, which he never was. As a result, a
lot of course was left to be covered and to compensate, he started taking extra
classes, which I never attended, he sometimes took other teacher’s periods too,
to teach biology.
Once,
we had practical classes in whole of our second half, so this was his chance,
and it was the greatest torture of my life, he took all the four periods after
the lunch break to teach us biology, I was attentive throughout the first two
periods ,and each time the bell sounded, I was excited ,as it marked the end of
one period ,end of 35 minutes of suffering. When the third bell sounded, I was
growing sleepy, effected by the dullness of the November month , and the gloomy
,dingy classroom ,and most of all his lecture , I was on the last bench , and I
was far away from his sight, unnoticed, I took my heavy bag ,placed it in front
of me on the desk ,so that it will reduce my chances of getting caught, and
threw myself on the desk ,my eyes closed, and I gave up to the honey-heavy dew
of the slumber ,though partially, not completely. I could hear his speech but I
didn’t dare to look up, it was so enjoyable. All, of a sudden , everything came
to a came to a standstill, and a silence occupied the room, I suspected
something is wrong , I looked up with dizzy eyes ,yawning, with my jaws wide
open. I found everyone staring at me, I started feeling nervous, and the
situation worsened, interrupted by a familiar voice-
“Abhishek,
I never expected you to sleep in the class. “
No
answer.
“Actually”,
he continued ,” You are not sleeping , I am sleeping “ Then addressing other
students ,he said –“ He has made me realize that It is me who actually sleeps
in the class , this means that I am not a good teacher , had I been a good one
, you won’t have a reason to sleep during my lecture.”
I
agreed completely with him, after all, one should admit his mistakes, be it a
teacher.
He then
came to me and asked –“Are you not feeling well?”
I said
–“Sir, may I go and wash my face?”
“You
surely can, you can even take a bath if you want.” He said cynically.
To this
I replied, “Sir, that is not possible here, I have to manage by washing my face
only.”
This
ridiculed him and he arranged the fingers of his right hand in a curved form,
caressing the thumb, he then again asked me- “Do you know what this is?”
“Surely
sir, it’s a punch!!”
“Get
out before it destroys your face and you are never able to wash it again.”
I fled.
#FUNNY YET SERIOUS
Once,
it was proved practically that energy can neither be created nor destroyed, it
can only be transferred from one body to the another .
It
happened so that Anu was sitting peacefully at her seat the period being a free
period , we were taking full advantage of it , Asheerwaad , the prankster ,
came and was in a mood for fun , helpless Anu being unaware of it , Asheerwaad
is a person whom I used to hate but today ,he is my good friend , but that is
another story , well he came and in an impulse of a moment, swung his bag over
her head , his intention was not to hurt her , but it did , a great blow over
her head and her temper knew no bounds , and he went away to avoid all
embarrassment .She was still sulking and fretting over him and was standing
just near the door , when I entered the classroom , unintentionally, I hit her
, and as we all know , every action has an equal and
opposite reaction , she hit me back .A tight slap right over my face , on my left cheek. And, for a moment , I
remembered my mother , only she had slapped me in my whole life.But to get a
slap from a girl, and that too with no fault of yours ,was really disgusting. My
spectacles flew away five feet apart ,to the biology lab. And I being almost on
the floor .I was about to fall. I recollected myself, and just went away,
without even saying a word.
By
lunch break everyone came to know that ‘K.V.’ was slapped by Anu.
In the
lunch –break , I was walking in the corridor downstairs, Pulkit, that
irritating guy, was behind me. According to my personal observation , some
people do no harm to you ,but on seeing their face , you feel disgusting and
get irritated, and you just wish to give them a tight punch ,without any
reason.
He was
just like that . I was in a bad temper . So, he was at risk, he held my blazer
and wouldn’t let me go ,he was irritating me.
I
persuaded him to leave me, but he wouldn’t, and I found myself more and more
ridiculed. Then I didn’t see anything and just flung my right hand in the air,
and gave him a tight slap which he is going to remember his whole life. He fell
onto the floor. And I left the spot, later on I saw him, with his face swollen
as if fat had accumulated over it .
In the
end the energy of the slaps was transferred from Asheerwaad to Anu to me and
finally to Pullkit . Perhaps he may have given that to someone else .
For the
first time I saw that Physics is very much there in our daily lives .Energy can
neither be created ,nor destroyed, it can only be transferred from one body to
the another.
