The enchanting tale of Appu Kuttan

29th October 2019

In all the cities where i have lived, perhaps Bhopal is my favorite, because i grew, as a person, and experimented with different things. But that's another story for another time.
Now, wherever i go, i have this indulgence of adopting stray dogs, who are an integral part of India. You will find them everywhere, sometimes cared and sometimes shooed off unnecessarily by people. No, they are so dirty...they bite... I am like, excuse me human, have you ever looked at yourself ? You disgusting piece of s**t ? Shooing off a harmless animal just for your entertainment ? Well, what i mean by adopting is that actually they adopt me. At one point of time, i actually used to hate dogs and was petrified by them, but that was a long long time back. Now, as per universe's rule, stray dogs end up with me, call it law of attraction, so to speak.
And i am used to giving them weird names like Murali, Sharada...well Sharada was a cat. Tojo, Jordan, Simran and now Appu Kuttan in Bhopal. I couldn't think of a cuter name for him, "Kuttan" is often a nickname in south indian houses, so my roots must have instructed me somehow to name him that.
So i used to live in a bungalow in a posh society called Rivera Town. In a shared house, where two of my housemates where almost permanently absent from the city, Appu Kuttan came as a companion, one day, outside my gate, and i just fed him two rotis. Gradually, Appu Kuttan made the porch of my house his permanent residence, and i started keeping a bowl of water for him during hot summer days. Appu Kuttan was cute, no doubt, but as the time passed, i got to see his angry and timid sides as well. Appu Kuttan used to follow me till the society gate in the morning, when i would catch the bus to the university, and never went outside the society gate, for he knew his boundaries. He knew that the world outside is dangerous. So, this one day, i was going for my evening smoke and Chai, to the nearby dhaba, and all my efforts to send him back from the society gate went in vain. I crossed the main road to reach the other side, and he followed me. After i had my tea, i started walking back home, and this poor guy was so petrified while crossing the road, that i had to carry him in my arms like a child. He never crossed the main gate again.
One day, in the morning, the janitor came to collect the garbage and Appu Kuttan got hold of the poor woman's saree, and tore it. That's when things began to get serious. As much as i was feeling sorry for the woman, the situation was hilarious, for he never bit me. I think in his own, cute way, he was trying to protect me from intruders.
One fine day in winters, i was reading a book, curled up in blanket, and i heard a loud barking and the helpless sounds of a man, he had come from the electricity office to note down the reading for that month. Appu Kuttan tore his pant.
"Bhaisaab, yeh kutta aapka hai ? "
"Haan, aisa hi samajh lijiye, isne mujhe apna samajh liya hai, yahin rehta hai".

The third incident, was a bad one, i was sleeping on a Sunday morning, getting late for my music class, and i heard screams of a woman from downstairs, i rushed outside to find my maid screaming in agony, holding her leg, and Appu Kuttan guiltily looking at me in his usual cute manner, as if all the innocence of this world had been accumulated into the divine body of this white canine.
Well, thankfully there was no incident after this, but by then, the society people had become annoyed by the poor creature. I left for vacations back home, when i came back, Appu Kuttan was gone. Later i came to know that it was thrown out of the society, by calling some people from Municipality. I felt really guilty, and helpless that instead of helping a poor dog, people choose to just kick it away. I was at fault too, for i could have contacted some dog shelter, and asked them to take it away.
Later, i moved from that society, but visited it because a friend stayed there, i searched for Appu Kuttan, but obviously, he was nowhere to be found.
Wherever you are buddy, hope you are happy.

"Appu Kuttan"

February Morning

"And here you come, with a cup of tea
Wreathed in steam.
The blood jet is poetry,
There is no stopping it." 

A cup of tea and some biscuits are true friends in this (at times) pretentious world of research. One year in Japan is coming to a close and sometimes i can't believe how far i have come when i look back. 
Numerous towns, cities, countries, friends, cultures, talents and books. Yet, sometimes there is an overwhelming exhaustion which takes over, when i don't wish to get out of my blanket for days. True, i should be proud of what i am doing, interested as well, but there are times when there is hardly a person around to speak, the actual human contact. Not that i am complaining about it, love this solitude. As a good friend has told me "Solitude will slowly ignite the fire within you". 
And it's true, Solitude shall ignite the fire. A Phd was never going to be easy, but it's not gonna be insurmountable either.But what irritates me is the sheer amount of pretentiousness that lies in this world. A simple sentence, twisted and turned by the help of Thesaurus and Dictionaries into something entirely incomprehensible for a normal human mind. Perhaps the reason, why research papers have a limited outreach. 

I do fear the future, about the fact that my parents are growing older, and not any younger, and the job prospects after Phd. And about the fact that i will be almost 34 when i finish my Doctorate. Not old by conventional standards, but conventionally not young, either. 

People do ask me: "Don't you want to settle down" ? And i pondered, does anyone really settle down in life ? Monotonous nature of domestic life has always been a boring prospect for me. And yet, inside i yearn for something more permanent. But that permanency may soon become stagnant, which is another rational fear. 

Somehow the choices which i have made, are so unconventional for some people around me. How can you study so much ? You are doing Phd now ? I am like: As if academicians have any other choice but to further their career prospects by going for a Doctorate, when the entire academic world is dominated by people who are clearly not fit for their jobs. 

As a true Indian, i miss being back at home, drinking tea at local "Tapri" and "addas", and the hustle bustle and randomness of Indian towns, but a part of me does not want to go back to India as well. That brings me to another thought: Do i truly belong to any one place ? When someone has lived in so many places, and worked in so many cities, how can one say where one's heart truly belongs ? I feel alienated when i am back home, and alienated here as well. 

More than anything, i miss my singing, the Carnatic Raagas and melodies, what with all the valid but frustrating noise rules over here, and with the apartment walls so thin that i swear i could hear my neighbor snoring in his sleep at times. 

And like a true millenial, i crib about the things which might be irrelevant for many people, but in the end, will it all turn out to be "worth it" ? 

Only time can tell ! 
Meanwhile, Chai and Sutta awaits me.