Well, the past one year has been sort of a mixed pickle, served with enough chillies and hot sauces good enough to burn you inside out.
The city hasn't been that kind to me, and neither has God been grateful, but one can only sit, try and make things happen, change things, modify them, or just give up.
Coping with insomnia, immense stress and cluster headaches, has made me more stronger and weak at the same time. People say that "This too shall pass", but when ? That is the question.
3 years back, when i was touring Europe as a DAAD scholar, i would have hardly imagined that life would come to be so stagnant and mundane. Yet, this is life, one day you are in the streets of Paris, soaking the beautiful views, and one day you are locked inside your house, due to the tiff between the landlord and the caretaker. The ordeals didn't end here. Sleeplessness has been a constant companion since an year.
A wonderful year, and also a particularly bad one, i must say. Getting rejected for a Phd position in Germany, that too after interview, was like the starting blow, and it has only gotten worse. To see your dreams being crushed by a mere email is disheartening, enough to lose your confidence, but here i am, standing again, back to fight.
April was a pleasant month in Bhopal, because i was away from it for about a week, to my favorite place and people: Manipal. I sang for Palm Sunday during the holy Week in Christ Church once again. People were happy to meet me, and so was I. I felt wanted and needed in Manipal, and equally rejected, yet wanted by few in Bhopal. Bhopal experience has been an unpleasant one, not due to the place, but the people. People who don't care about other's time, who don't respect YOUR time, and label you as impatient instead of owing up to their mistakes. Though i don't want to generalize, and it would be wrong, but that is the way i encountered things. Not to mention, a lousy rented accommodation, with a careless care-taker, one who swindled me of my security deposit.
A strange tiredness and weariness is overwhelming me as i write this. After i finished my contract, i had a wonderful time at a wedding in Jaipur and thereafter in Tirthan Valley in Himachal. The best thing about the hills is they make you lose yourself, and help you reconnect. I was mostly quite during the whole tour. It was soothing to the nerves to listen to the silence of my heart. As Sylvia Plath says: "I am ...I am... I am."
After coming back home, i saw my mother in the hospital for the first time, weak and vulnerable. She had a surgery for gall bladder stone removal. You always think that parents are so strong, yet forget that they need us, as much as we need them. I doubt whether when i am at her age, i would be able to take as much as she has. What a wonderful, hard working woman. And here i am, cribbing about the most trivial things.
People say that inner peace comes from inside, Balls, easier said than done.
So once again, i am jobless, waiting for another interview, and counting on God, while being persistent in my efforts, "God has a Plan, and his plan is perfect".
Over the past one year, i have struggled with myself, my faith, my well-being, and considered going for therapy many times. Yet, things have been so busy that there is no time for that either. Not to mention the financial crunch that hits you when you haven't been exactly able to save. (Not to forget, that one cannot really save in these times unless you have a great package).
But i realized, financial crunch is last on my mind. I have never been materialistic.I focus on things which bought me joy, like my weekends in Bhopal, when i used to go for carnatic singing classes. My singing has considerably improved and i have to thank Mrs. Shantha Iyer for that. What a lady !
So once again, even though life is back to square one, lets not forget that there is always light at the other end of the tunnel. And "this too shall pass".
Am i more determined than ever ? Maybe, but at the same time, a little disappointed with life, with not being able to help my family much.
But its necessary to take a break in life, instead of haphazardly doing things. The break will help you to rejuvenate and reconnect and focus. At the same time, its upto us, how we utilize this time in a creative and accomplished manner.
So here i am, ready to take on more challenges, more rejections, more lousy people, and hope i am able to look at life once in its face and say "Fuck you !! I will emerge as a Winner". :D
The city hasn't been that kind to me, and neither has God been grateful, but one can only sit, try and make things happen, change things, modify them, or just give up.
Coping with insomnia, immense stress and cluster headaches, has made me more stronger and weak at the same time. People say that "This too shall pass", but when ? That is the question.
3 years back, when i was touring Europe as a DAAD scholar, i would have hardly imagined that life would come to be so stagnant and mundane. Yet, this is life, one day you are in the streets of Paris, soaking the beautiful views, and one day you are locked inside your house, due to the tiff between the landlord and the caretaker. The ordeals didn't end here. Sleeplessness has been a constant companion since an year.
A wonderful year, and also a particularly bad one, i must say. Getting rejected for a Phd position in Germany, that too after interview, was like the starting blow, and it has only gotten worse. To see your dreams being crushed by a mere email is disheartening, enough to lose your confidence, but here i am, standing again, back to fight.
April was a pleasant month in Bhopal, because i was away from it for about a week, to my favorite place and people: Manipal. I sang for Palm Sunday during the holy Week in Christ Church once again. People were happy to meet me, and so was I. I felt wanted and needed in Manipal, and equally rejected, yet wanted by few in Bhopal. Bhopal experience has been an unpleasant one, not due to the place, but the people. People who don't care about other's time, who don't respect YOUR time, and label you as impatient instead of owing up to their mistakes. Though i don't want to generalize, and it would be wrong, but that is the way i encountered things. Not to mention, a lousy rented accommodation, with a careless care-taker, one who swindled me of my security deposit.
A strange tiredness and weariness is overwhelming me as i write this. After i finished my contract, i had a wonderful time at a wedding in Jaipur and thereafter in Tirthan Valley in Himachal. The best thing about the hills is they make you lose yourself, and help you reconnect. I was mostly quite during the whole tour. It was soothing to the nerves to listen to the silence of my heart. As Sylvia Plath says: "I am ...I am... I am."
After coming back home, i saw my mother in the hospital for the first time, weak and vulnerable. She had a surgery for gall bladder stone removal. You always think that parents are so strong, yet forget that they need us, as much as we need them. I doubt whether when i am at her age, i would be able to take as much as she has. What a wonderful, hard working woman. And here i am, cribbing about the most trivial things.
People say that inner peace comes from inside, Balls, easier said than done.
So once again, i am jobless, waiting for another interview, and counting on God, while being persistent in my efforts, "God has a Plan, and his plan is perfect".
Over the past one year, i have struggled with myself, my faith, my well-being, and considered going for therapy many times. Yet, things have been so busy that there is no time for that either. Not to mention the financial crunch that hits you when you haven't been exactly able to save. (Not to forget, that one cannot really save in these times unless you have a great package).
But i realized, financial crunch is last on my mind. I have never been materialistic.I focus on things which bought me joy, like my weekends in Bhopal, when i used to go for carnatic singing classes. My singing has considerably improved and i have to thank Mrs. Shantha Iyer for that. What a lady !
So once again, even though life is back to square one, lets not forget that there is always light at the other end of the tunnel. And "this too shall pass".
Am i more determined than ever ? Maybe, but at the same time, a little disappointed with life, with not being able to help my family much.
But its necessary to take a break in life, instead of haphazardly doing things. The break will help you to rejuvenate and reconnect and focus. At the same time, its upto us, how we utilize this time in a creative and accomplished manner.
So here i am, ready to take on more challenges, more rejections, more lousy people, and hope i am able to look at life once in its face and say "Fuck you !! I will emerge as a Winner". :D
Cheer up sir .. Good things are on its way :) ..
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