“To the person in the bell jar, blank and stopped as a dead baby, the world itself is a bad dream.”
― Sylvia Plath, The Bell Jar
Why do Indian parents have such insane expectations from their children ? Its true that Indian society is regressive towards women, but have you ever wondered the kind of pressures the men have to face ? Not exactly an easy life.
One fine day, as i saw "Dear Zindagi" on my laptop, i was wondering, each one of us have faced a similar situation in life. Then they say that parenting is a difficult job.
I have always been a meritorious student, an ideal one, hardly rebellious, never came home drunk, never stepped into a disco for that matter. Yet, all i have received is cold stares and more expectations with pickled ounces of appreciation thrown in. I self financed my Masters degree just because my father was against it. I have understood one thing in life, that at times in life, or mostly, you have to be brutally selfish, if you have to follow your dreams.
And being a Professor was one of my dreams. Though my parents never totally accepted it. Typical tambrahm parents want their son to be working in a MNC, sadly folks, that was not the story. It has been barely 3 years since i started working after Masters and yet, parents expect you to earn in lakhs every month. At times, its so difficult to convince them.
But when your parents have insane expectations, its because they have struggled all their lives to make you who you are. Agreed, but haven't we struggled too ? Struggled to fulfill their expectations, only to be weighed down by more demands, comparisons with "Sharma ji ka beta" or in this case, "Mani mama odu payyan...! "
Maybe i sound harsh, but in today's world, parents shouldn't have kids unless they are financially sound for life. This is one thing i like about western society, parents don't expect from their children and vice versa.
By the time, you are able to fulfill your parents expectations, half your life would have already passed, considering the average life expectancy is 60. And stuck in this whole loop of expectations are your passions which are killed, and your sorrows which are hidden, and a life which you never wanted.
Luckily, i chose to pursue what i wanted, and i am doing a pretty good job !! (My students should agree :P ) Despite the fact that it doesn't fetch substantial amount of money to keep my parents happy, as long as i am happy doing it, nothing else matters. At times, there is a need for self validation which one must do. Studies, job,career, salary, marriage, isnt life more than just these words ?
I have been lucky and courageous enough to go against my parents wishes in almost everything.
I became an Architect, they wanted me to become a Doctor.
They wanted a corporate job, i became a Professor.
They wanted me to marry, and i chose to stay single, not to spite them, but because the idea of marriage irritates me.
So, i am close to 30, and nowhere close to settling down, and frankly speaking, i don't care. You have only one life,and you can afford to be selfish. That is precisely why i advise my students to stay away from home, at least in the younger years of their life. This is the age to explore. To roam, to try something and to fail, and to try again. So get out of your comfortable pamper zone, and explore the world. At times, staying away from home is healthy.
My neighbors advise me sometimes, not that its their business, but Indian neighbors are nosy. In fact, some of them have such long noses that you could hang a months laundry on them. So, this one aunty advised me, why don't you stay at home with your parents and find a job in Delhi ? They are old, and they need you. My dear aunty jee, just because i like staying independently, that does not mean that i don't love my parents. Not to mention that i hate Delhi like anything.
Another aunty jee had the guts to ask my dad that how much percentage of my salary i send home to my parents. Dear aunty jee, again, its none of your business, but i do help them financially whenever i can and at times i don't, because i like spending on myself and buying myself things which make me happy, or rather spending on things or hobbies, which my parents could never afford when i was a kid.
But yes, Dear Indian Parents, my sincere advise to you is to stop burdening your kids with your insane expectations, do not break them, encourage them, do not kill their dreams but nourish them. Your kids are not piggy banks for your old age. You should have thought about your old age when you decided to conceive them. And if you decide to conceive them, give them a comfortable life, both monetarily and morally. People say that relationships become toxic after a point of time. I wonder if the same applies to a parent child relationship too.
Again, i would like to quote from my favorite book: The Bell Jar, as i end this post.
“What do you have in mind after you graduate?"
What I always thought I had in mind was getting some big scholarship to graduate school or a grant to study all over Europe, and then I thought I'd be a professor and write books of poems or write books of poems and be an editor of some sort. Usually I had these plans on the tip of my tongue.
"I don't really know," I heard myself say. I felt a deep shock, hearing myself say that, because the minute I said it, I knew it was true.”
― Sylvia Plath, The Bell Jar
So leave your children free from your own ambitions, and let them pursue and build their own life.
― Sylvia Plath, The Bell Jar
Why do Indian parents have such insane expectations from their children ? Its true that Indian society is regressive towards women, but have you ever wondered the kind of pressures the men have to face ? Not exactly an easy life.
One fine day, as i saw "Dear Zindagi" on my laptop, i was wondering, each one of us have faced a similar situation in life. Then they say that parenting is a difficult job.
I have always been a meritorious student, an ideal one, hardly rebellious, never came home drunk, never stepped into a disco for that matter. Yet, all i have received is cold stares and more expectations with pickled ounces of appreciation thrown in. I self financed my Masters degree just because my father was against it. I have understood one thing in life, that at times in life, or mostly, you have to be brutally selfish, if you have to follow your dreams.
And being a Professor was one of my dreams. Though my parents never totally accepted it. Typical tambrahm parents want their son to be working in a MNC, sadly folks, that was not the story. It has been barely 3 years since i started working after Masters and yet, parents expect you to earn in lakhs every month. At times, its so difficult to convince them.
But when your parents have insane expectations, its because they have struggled all their lives to make you who you are. Agreed, but haven't we struggled too ? Struggled to fulfill their expectations, only to be weighed down by more demands, comparisons with "Sharma ji ka beta" or in this case, "Mani mama odu payyan...! "
Maybe i sound harsh, but in today's world, parents shouldn't have kids unless they are financially sound for life. This is one thing i like about western society, parents don't expect from their children and vice versa.
By the time, you are able to fulfill your parents expectations, half your life would have already passed, considering the average life expectancy is 60. And stuck in this whole loop of expectations are your passions which are killed, and your sorrows which are hidden, and a life which you never wanted.
Luckily, i chose to pursue what i wanted, and i am doing a pretty good job !! (My students should agree :P ) Despite the fact that it doesn't fetch substantial amount of money to keep my parents happy, as long as i am happy doing it, nothing else matters. At times, there is a need for self validation which one must do. Studies, job,career, salary, marriage, isnt life more than just these words ?
I have been lucky and courageous enough to go against my parents wishes in almost everything.
I became an Architect, they wanted me to become a Doctor.
They wanted a corporate job, i became a Professor.
They wanted me to marry, and i chose to stay single, not to spite them, but because the idea of marriage irritates me.
So, i am close to 30, and nowhere close to settling down, and frankly speaking, i don't care. You have only one life,and you can afford to be selfish. That is precisely why i advise my students to stay away from home, at least in the younger years of their life. This is the age to explore. To roam, to try something and to fail, and to try again. So get out of your comfortable pamper zone, and explore the world. At times, staying away from home is healthy.
My neighbors advise me sometimes, not that its their business, but Indian neighbors are nosy. In fact, some of them have such long noses that you could hang a months laundry on them. So, this one aunty advised me, why don't you stay at home with your parents and find a job in Delhi ? They are old, and they need you. My dear aunty jee, just because i like staying independently, that does not mean that i don't love my parents. Not to mention that i hate Delhi like anything.
Another aunty jee had the guts to ask my dad that how much percentage of my salary i send home to my parents. Dear aunty jee, again, its none of your business, but i do help them financially whenever i can and at times i don't, because i like spending on myself and buying myself things which make me happy, or rather spending on things or hobbies, which my parents could never afford when i was a kid.
But yes, Dear Indian Parents, my sincere advise to you is to stop burdening your kids with your insane expectations, do not break them, encourage them, do not kill their dreams but nourish them. Your kids are not piggy banks for your old age. You should have thought about your old age when you decided to conceive them. And if you decide to conceive them, give them a comfortable life, both monetarily and morally. People say that relationships become toxic after a point of time. I wonder if the same applies to a parent child relationship too.
Again, i would like to quote from my favorite book: The Bell Jar, as i end this post.
“What do you have in mind after you graduate?"
What I always thought I had in mind was getting some big scholarship to graduate school or a grant to study all over Europe, and then I thought I'd be a professor and write books of poems or write books of poems and be an editor of some sort. Usually I had these plans on the tip of my tongue.
"I don't really know," I heard myself say. I felt a deep shock, hearing myself say that, because the minute I said it, I knew it was true.”
― Sylvia Plath, The Bell Jar
So leave your children free from your own ambitions, and let them pursue and build their own life.
